shinga: Twilight! 8

Shinga (

shinga) wrote,
@ 2008-06-07 15:06:00

Entry tags:

twilight

Twilight! 8
Missed the beginning? Start here!

TWILIGHT

CHAPTER EIGHT

GIRLS NIGHT OUT: *is very girly* BOYS BOYS BOYS.

JESSICA: Mike and I are totally going out now and we might actually kiss and oh my God. Bella you’re weird because you’ve never had a boyfriend and you’re rejecting guys here who are all in love with you because you’re special.

OTHER GIRL: Well except Tyler because he’s taking you to prom.

BELLA: WHUT.

JESSICA: Yeah that’s why Lauren wants you dead.

BELLA: I should commit vehicular manslaughter, right?

JESSICA: ... Yeah. Sure. That’s the logical way to solve this.

DRESSES: *are shopped for*

SHOES: *are important in some way*

BELLA: *can’t stop thinking about Edward*

BELLA’S OBSESSION WITH EDWARD: *is getting old fast*

BELLA: *wanders off alone for some reason*

RANDOM THUGS: Hey we are also intrigued by you and want to herd you alone so we can take advantage in some way!

BELLA: Oh no, forced suspense and drama!

EDWARD: *shows up out of goddamn nowhere in the volvo* HURRY GET IN.

BELLA: EDWARD CULLEN YOU’RE MY HERO. *leap*

EDWARD: Calm me down!

BELLA: What the hell, I’M the one who was just attacked! But anyway I’m going to kill Tyler because if I ruin his car and possible paralyze him then he won’t need to take me t prom to make me feel better. So are you okay now?

EDWARD: Uh, no?

BELLA: Well what the hell.

EDWARD: I have a bad temper and want to kill the thugs. Anyway, let’s get going. I magically know where your friends are and I can take you out to dinner.

BELLA: Uh.

FRIENDS: We already ate while we were waiting for you, lameface.

EDWARD: It’s okay I’ll just be alone with her and you can go away.

BELLA: YES, THAT. *dazzled*

FRIENDS: OHHH OKAY. *WINK WINK* SEE YOU GUYS LATER BYE.

BELLA: But seriously though I’m not hungry.

EDWARD: EAT NOW. And I’m going to ask the waitress to get us a nicer table than she offered.

BELLA: That’s so mean to dazzle her like that! And I’m not jealous. At all.

EDWARD: Right. So when are you going to completely melt down and freak out about what happened?

BELLA: Psh, I don’t melt down.

READERS: LOL WHAT

MORE RANDOM ROMANCE CUTESY CRAP: *happens, and is remarkably boring* *also may have some “coy” guessing games involved* *also, something about Edward saving Bella on her first day... this is not explained*

EDWARD: Oh and I read minds and have been following you.

BELLA: That isn’t unsettling or freaky at all!

EDWARD: Now tell me your theories about me even though at this point this entire thing is pretty damn obvious and unnecessarily drawn out.

THE ACTUAL CHAPTER ENDING: *is just about that awkwardly timed, yes*

---

... Just stay tuned :P

Continue on to Chapter Nine...

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(99 comments) - (Post a new comment)

	harmonious 2008-06-07 08:13 pm UTC (link)
	So I haven't read this book but I've read reviews which have made me wonder why it's so incredibly popular... and I think I'd like your version much better anyway. :D Also I'm adding you because you amuse me. ♥ (Reply to this)

	Came over from TQC without_within 2008-06-07 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	I've been reading your updates all day. You're now at the part in the book where I officially got fed up and threw the damned thing against the wall before putting it's bitchass back on paperbackswap. Keep up the entertaining work! (Reply to this)

	kyo_yamashita 2008-06-07 08:19 pm UTC (link)
	And... They made a movie out of this? (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

sevenrosetta
2008-06-09 07:08 pm UTC (link)

I actually think the movie will be better, because Stephanie Meyer's storytelling ability got better... a bit. I read a plot outline for it, and the bad guys are mortal enemies of the Cullens, instead of randomly showing up and OH LOOK SOME OTHER GUY IS INTERESTED IN BELLA EXCEPT HE WANTS TO KILL HER VIOLENTLY NOT MARRY HER

The more I think about it, the more Twilight sucks.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2008-08-12 02:03 pm UTC (Expand)

	ashi_the_artist 2008-06-07 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	I've noticed that most people that drive a Volvo really don't drive well at all. Why is that? Does it somehow have something to do with Edward? Could it be just as nonsensical, and yet somehow related? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	melissarxy1 2009-06-21 06:00 pm UTC (link)
	Hey! I have a Volvo pouts Okay, maybe I regularly almost kill myself but still... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	vbabe1 2008-06-08 06:45 am UTC (link)
	you should have this published. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	iamnotkyle 2008-08-04 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	I AGREE!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	(Anonymous) 2008-06-08 12:29 pm UTC (link)
	Edward: GIT IN THE TRUNK OF MAH LEXUS. Bella: LOL KAY. Thugs: BAWW. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2008-06-08 06:38 pm UTC (link)
	lol (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Random poster from Deviantart (Anonymous) 2008-06-09 01:14 am UTC (link)
	BELLA: can’t stop thinking about Edward BELLA’S OBSESSION WITH EDWARD: is getting old fast BWAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! My favorite part. It sounds like something my sister and I would say. Probably my sister, she's got more experience being snarky. I am her apprentice. (Reply to this)

	Random poster from Deviantart (Anonymous) 2008-06-09 01:16 am UTC (link)
	BELLA: can’t stop thinking about Edward BELLA’S OBSESSION WITH EDWARD: is getting old fast BWAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! My favorite part. It sounds like something my sister and I would say. Probably my sister, she's got more experience being snarky. I am merely her apprentice. (Reply to this)

	didurhusband 2008-06-09 04:48 pm UTC (link)
	This is painful! Shinga, someone ought to give you a medal for this. <3 (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2008-06-10 02:09 am UTC (link)
	that woman wouldn't recognise an original idea if it stood in front of her, lifted up its skirts and said 'Look! I'm a virgin!' (Reply to this) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2009-07-02 03:55 am UTC (link)
	LOL LMAO ROTF ROTFLOL ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! laughing out freking loud LOFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	zxora 2008-06-25 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	BELLA: wanders off alone for some reason RANDOM THUGS: Hey we are also intrigued by you and want to herd you alone so we can take advantage in some way! Jesus, that has to be the most desperate and obvious part of the book that makes Bella look desirable. Ugh, I'm surprised I didn't tear the book apart at that point.... ~Kelsey~ (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2008-07-02 04:42 pm UTC (link)
	BELLA: I should commit vehicular manslaughter, right? Sounds like what we should do to all the books. I think people like it because they wish they could be Bella and have this perfect man love them. She's like what they all want to be. (Reply to this)

	babybalooga19 2008-07-05 11:00 pm UTC (link)
	BELLA: Psh, I don’t melt down. READERS: LOL WHAT True. (Reply to this)

taterbird
2008-07-22 10:10 pm UTC (link)

Wow, a re-read and it's still damn funny!

EDWARD: I have a bad temper and want to kill The only book Meyer will ever write that I'll want to read is Edward's bad temper in another hundred years, after Bella has been nagging at him and sniping at him for eternity (you didn't think that fangirling could last, did you?) I'm waiting for:

EDWARD: Make me not angry, Bella, before I smack a bitch!

BELLA: Well, I- *KAPOW!*

EDWARD: Too late. Now get in the kitchen and make me an anetelope.

See? That's what happens when you put up with Edward's shenanigans, Twilghters. Domestic abuse. And ruthless antelope massacres.

(Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

	paperdoll156 2008-07-25 09:09 am UTC (link)
	Oh, that is brilliant. lol (Reply to this) (Parent)

Better and better -

sugaronastick, 2008-08-05 06:43 pm UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2009-07-02 04:00 am UTC (Expand)

	XD (Anonymous) 2008-08-05 03:20 am UTC (link)
	EDWARD: Oh and I read minds and have been following you. BELLA: That isn’t unsettling or freaky at all! DUUH, Don't we all wish some mind reading, overly obsessed boyfriend wannabe would stalk us all day and show up randomly to beat up some thugs because we are just a bunch of emo losers? (Reply to this)

	nina_sama 2008-08-06 08:40 pm UTC (link)
	This is great. I am adding you. :O (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: (Anonymous) 2009-03-06 08:59 am UTC (link)
	me: (is loving your avatar) xD (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

Re: -

nina_sama, 2009-03-09 02:23 am UTC (Expand)

You're fucking stupid.
(Anonymous)
2008-08-13 01:52 am UTC (link)

If she's such a shitty writer, then why did her latest book sell somewhere around 3 million copies??
Hmm, I wonder!
And then the fact that you didn't even bother to read the whole damn thing before you shredded it was gay as hell.
I can see that your attention span is that of a rat.
But why is it that half of the people commenting on this never read ANY of the books?!
They're really not as bad as this dumb ass makes them out to be.

However, I was falling out of my chair laughing. Rofl. Kudos to you.

(Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

	Re: You're fucking stupid. _conundrum_ 2008-08-13 02:04 am UTC (link)
	No, no they're worse. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	poisonedsodapop 2008-08-14 10:52 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, that whole "saved on the first day" thing made no sense. I did read all of Twilight just to be like "I have to read this bad book" but afterwards I was dissapointed so very much. (Reply to this)

	lilweirdomokyn 2008-10-08 02:02 pm UTC (link)
	also, something about Edward saving Bella on her first day... this is not explained Actually this is explained. He saved her that day by not eating her. THIRTEEN-YEAR OLD FANGIRLS: That is so romantic! (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2008-11-21 09:08 am UTC (link)
	The whole running Tyler over and paralyzing thing is completely blowing my mind, not that it wasn't cracking along the edges due to everything else. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2008-11-23 06:11 am UTC (link)
	When I read this, I'm like "lol that's funny" .... Then I read that chapter of Twilight and realize you weren't even exaggerating, it really IS like that. (Reply to this)

	WOW THIS IS DUMB (Anonymous) 2008-12-14 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	no offense kid but you must have a lot of time on our hands to write something like this. twilight is probably the best series out in all of the USA right now and yeah i love it. you have no idea what you talking about an are just being immature...sorry your life sucks and you have to make fun of something 75% of america loves...get a life (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

	einahsketch 2008-12-15 02:43 pm UTC (link)
	"Money. Sex. Money. Cat." (Reply to this) (Thread)

	awriterofthings 2009-01-06 10:40 am UTC (link)
	i watched that part with my sister. when that guy smiled we both said, "Cat sex?" and died laughing. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	(Anonymous) 2008-12-16 01:44 am UTC (link)
	i luv twilight i hate when ppls say its stupid and they havent read it and think its a waste of there time (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

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