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05:25pm 22/10/2014
Diana is home <3
tags: kittygirl
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(no subject)  
09:05am 22/10/2014
My girl's coming home today!!!

Unfortunately the timing makes it so I can't be there to pick her up, but Will's going to go and talk to the vet and find out all the details. I have a feeling they never did figure out what happened... that's just my guess, though. But if she's healthy now, and happy? Then I'm okay with that. I'll keep her going to regular check-ups and keep a close eye on her from now on.

But when I get home from therapy, my baby will be home! I'm so happy right now. I'm gonna give her tuna and cuddle the hell out of her. :D
tags: kittygirl
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(no subject)  
11:29am 21/10/2014
The closer we get to Halloween the more I'm not sure what I want to do. I have a feeling once Diana is back home my headspace will instantly improve and the idea of a party won't be so daunting. Hell the idea of having a Halloween-themed get-together for local friends this Friday seemed fun until I realized how exhausted I was and how rough headspace is and the idea of just a quiet night with Will's girlfriend being the only company sounded more and more appealing. Maybe I'll pick up some Halloween/fall-scented candles and have candy out and make some cider and we can watch Hocus Pocus and such anyway, but not have it be a thing where too many people are over.

Already we're invited to... SO many Halloween things. Many of them with people I don't know very well and it sounds packed and loud. Ugh. Again, once Diana gets her clean bill of health and she's home my stress levels will plummet and likely a big fun party will sound fantastic. But right now? It sounds godawful.

I love Halloween in general but right now I'm SO ready for it to be November. Plan Thanksgiving, plan TRF, plan Christmas.

Right now I have no costume for Halloween and don't think I want to put in much money for one with all the vet bills piling up and Will still being unemployed.

mood: stressedstressed
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Okay I laughed  
06:16pm 20/10/2014
mood: gigglygiggly
tags: poly
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(no subject)  
06:32pm 18/10/2014
Last night went well enough. Invited a handful of local people over with the hopes of just hanging, drinking, talking, maybe a game if the mood struck.

The problem was the day leading up to it. Will didn't sleep well that night and ended up in bed most of the day, so I did the pre-party cleaning alone. By the time I was done Will was up and I was hurting, but didn't want to take a painkiller yet.

We needed to hit the store and prefer Kroger over Wal-Mart... Wal-Mart is closer but Kroger is better despite the added time getting there. The traffic was... not pleasant. TONS of road work, very stop-and-go. My mood and pain levels were already a bit heightened and the bumpy jerky ride to the store didn't help.

Once at the store, ALL the handicap parking was full and nothing else was open nearby. Will dropped me off at the door and went to find parking while I found myself a motorized cart.

Three motorized carts... ALL FUCKING OUT OF ORDER.

So by the time Will parks and gets into the store I'm already shaking a bit from frustration and being annoyed at the entire world. Luckily the oldest Kroger employee in history was bringing in a motorized cart from the parking lot, so I just took that one.

The shopping itself was MOSTLY okay, but the store was crowded and I was a bit on edge. It took a bit longer than I was hoping for but we found everything we needed and grabbed something to eat before people arrived and we headed home (with, again, bad roads and slow traffic)

The party itself was fairly low-key. But even with it being so few people I was just on edge all night and so incredibly drained from pain. Every loud noise made me tense, every conflicting conversation on each side made me stressed... a few points in the evening managed to make me feel relaxed and able to participate but by around 11 I couldn't take anymore and I went to bed. People stayed until about 1 but I had earplugs and managed to sleep pretty heavily.

Today I slept in until about 10 (with a brief time awake around 7 or so where I said to myself "fuck that, I can sleep more")... went to hang in the livingroom with Will and Jess for a while. It was a quiet morning, and I appreciated that. Watched a bit of TV, Will fell asleep on the couch snuggled up against my hip... it was nice.

Jess left and we got out the door as well to go to a friend's place for a bit. Again, it was quiet, and a nice time. I was still a BIT leftover-stressed from yesterday but mostly fine.

The plan was to head to Will's sister's place after we left so we could say hi to family that was in town. We got in the car and started heading that way when I noticed Will's breathing getting odd. And figured... fuck... this isn't gonna go well. And yes, I was right. His back pain had gotten so bad we needed to turn around. It was a very tense ride home and I had to fight off a panic attack. We stopped for Thai food and him getting out of the car to walk around a bit helped a lot.

SO we're home now, full of comfort food. Will is feeling better, I'm a lot more calm. Still tense, almost sore from all the tenseness actually, but better. We might watch a movie, I might take a bath before bed. Maybe have a glass of wine while I'm in there. I gave myself this stern talking-to recently about the important of self-care... then Diana gets sick* and I forget all over again.

I'll figure this whole mental/emotional health and balance and self-care thing out eventually.

(*On that note, haven't heard anything today. I'm worried but I figure if something was horribly wrong I'd know by now)
mood: draineddrained
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(no subject)  
10:57am 17/10/2014
Kitty is staying with the vet over the weekend :( She's acting better but her bloodwork tells another story. Vet is now worried about autoimmune and is also testing for AIDS and cancer.

*sighs* :(
tags: kittygirl
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(no subject)  
11:20pm 16/10/2014
Plans tomorrow...

1. Clean up the house a bit EDIT: oh god that hurt
2. Run to the store for a handful of things for the house and kitty (snacks and drinks for game night, tuna for kitty cat)
3. Text guy who offered to change livingroom lights to see if he's available
4. Pick up Diana?? Not sure if she'll be ready, but probably at least need a trip to the vet - would need to sign something for her to stay another night anyway EDIT: or not :(
5. Take a goddamn bath with some candles and bubbles or something to relax EDIT: FINALLY
6. Call the VA and order some more painkillers

If I have time but they can wait a bit...

1. Call the VA-approved chiropractor to make an appointment
2. Laundry (can wait until the weekend, theoretically)
3. Help Will with job-hunting things (have already done a bit of that tonight that should give him some ideas tomorrow)
4. Comic? Can do Saturday or Sunday as well, but getting work out of the way is always good
5. Wrap up commissions and start planning on more
6. Finally listen to Night Vale now that I'm over a month behind
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(no subject)  
09:08pm 16/10/2014
I started a gofundme for Diana

Hopefully this covers everything at the vet, and the specialist if it's still needed. Anything leftover I'll donate to a shelter or to other people's vet needs on gofund me. Paying it forward, y'know?
tags: kittygirl
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(no subject)  
05:05pm 16/10/2014
Well, good news! The vet called, Diana is acting much much better. She ate all on her own, almost all the calories needed, without any appetite stimulants. They took x-rays and bloodwork but otherwise haven't given her anything and just kept her in the oxygen cage where she's been very relaxed and eating all on her own. Her balance and strength seems up too, the vet observed her in an exam room jumping up on chairs and tables with no issues at all.

Mentioned to the vet that my last tortie kind of pulled this too. She got a blood infection and stopped eating and after the infection was cured she STILL wouldn't eat. The vet we saw then said "yeah sometimes cats just sort of... forget"... and it's legit. If a cat's health goes bad and they stop eating they sometimes have to be REMINDED that food is good and they need to eat even after they feel better. I love cats and they're smart creatures but some things, things like this? Remind me that they are adorable dumb animals.

Vet is still keeping her overnight, she need more calories and she wants to observe her for a while still. She didn't even mention the specialist when she called, she might think it's no longer necessary.

So... fingers crossed that we can pick her up soon and she'll be back to her annoying food-demanding little purr-beast self. :)
tags: kittygirl
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(no subject)  
04:20pm 16/10/2014
Last night we picked Diana up and brought her home for the night. The vet was saying she still isn't eating as much as she needed to but at that point she'd been at the vet's for three days and she might have been refusing out of stress.

Once she was home she was purring almost constantly. She seemed happy. She was walking funny but they had a catheter in her until Wednesday morning and she'd had a couple of enemas so it wasn't weird that she was still feeling a bit uncomfortable. But she was still moving slowly and I noticed a change in her breathing (shallow and rapid) - it affected her meowing and purring. I opened up the canned food and she meowed and seemed interested... until I set it down for her. She sniffed and walked away.

I was worried, but figured maybe she needed to relax more. So that night I put both the gooshy food and dry food out for her in her usual spot in the master bathroom. But once I put her in the room she hid under our bed (something she only does when she's upset or ill) and pretty much didn't come out all night.

She only ate a couple of bites worth of the dry food by the time I woke up that morning.

We were gonna take her in to the vet anyway so we loaded her into the carrier (she was VERY displeased with this) and took her in. Explained that she'd not eaten and her behavior was still iffy, and also mentioned the shallow breathing (something she listened to and confirmed it was odd)

Vet's now worried about a possible heart condition. She wants to refer us to an internal medicine specialist in Dallas. The specialist refuses to work with us financially with a payment plan. My CareCredit will help a bit but it was a $2100 limit and I've already put almost $600 on it (and more soon as the new vet bill comes in for the feeding tube and heart tests they said they were doing today)

We went home to give it some thought. Will has been amazing throughout, and says if it's Diana's time to go we'll run out and find a tortie kitten soon as I'm ready, heh. It worries me that his and others' comforting words have changed from "she'll be okay" to "if it's her time to go you gave her a very good life" sort of stuff.

And... yes. If it's her time to go, she had a very happy life. I love her, very much. I'm not ready to let her go yet but if it turns out I need to, I won't prolong any suffering. Part of loving a pet is knowing when it's cruel to hold onto them.

I called the vet to ask if they could get an estimate from the specialist on the costs of her treatment. Soon as I know what we're looking at I'll set up a gofundme to cover what CareCredit can't.

I just want what's best for her. If that means I lose her... then that's what has to happen. It'll break my heart, but... I can't let my own selfishness contribute to her pain.
mood: worriedworried
tags: kittygirl
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